We haven’t met yet, which you might consider strange since we’ve been living in the same house for a week now. However, the truth is, I’ve been avoiding you. I’m sorry, but it just seems awkward to cross paths with you now. How can I make friendly introductions when you’ve secretly been ruining my life?
I don’t mean to cast the blame prematurely here, but I have reason to believe that the sink full of black whisker hairs is your doing. I put forward this accusation not only because I know you are German, and probably very hairy (at least that’s how I picture you), but also because the other person who uses our bathroom is female, and call me an optimist but I’d like to believe that she hasn’t been secretly shaving off a large beard.
I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it is horrifically gross that you don’t rinse the sink out afterwards. In the future, please consider my sensibilities as you sculpt your facial hair.
Sincerely,
Olivia
PS. Loving the German music, keep it pumping.
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